Chapter 2 – My Life Is My Own

I promised myself that this week’s post would be lighthearted and funny since last week took a lot out of me emotionally. Not every step taken towards self-enlightenment has to be serious and super introspective, right? We can have a bit of fun as we bounce along on our journey! So I spent the last week waiting to be struck by inspiration to write something that is thought-provoking, but in a cheeky way that makes you laugh while having an ‘a ha!’ moment. And. It. Never. Came. ::insert mild panic attack:: So as of last night I had convinced myself that my two week career as a blogger was over – at least for this week. I justified putting off until next week what I should have been working on for the past 7 days, and prepared myself to slumber away into mediocrity. Then my best friend in my head, Tracee Ellis Ross, came to my rescue. Shout to my girl Vanessa for the Facebook tag 🙂

I watched the speech she gave at the Glamour Women of the Year Summit, and it resonated with me and gave me chills. She started off by saying how interesting it was for her to be 45 years old, single, with no kids. How no matter what she accomplished professionally, in a matter of seconds she was immediately brought down a notch or two by well-meaning people questioning her life because for many people in society having a husband and kids is the true way for a woman to measure her success and happiness in life. How a woman becomes truly fulfilled.Neither Tracee nor I are for those shyts at ALL! She made me exclaim “Yass girl!” and nod my head in total agreement every 10 seconds as she big upped herself and gave herself credit for all of the wonderful accomplishments she had made, and it will likely be a speech that sits with me in my spirit for a long time. And I thank her for it. She said that your life is your own, so just fcuking live it the best way you want! And I feel that shyt on a very deep and personal level.

For better or for worse, I have lived a life of complete duality – As a child I always did what my parents expected of me, but as an adult I have consistently marched to the beat of my own drum and done what I felt was right for my life in that moment. My pendulum swung so far in the opposite direction that a lot of my friends and family thought I needed professional help or to reconnect with Jesus or something. They might have been right, but I didn’t see it that way and kept doing what I wanted to do. Grow out your perm and wear your natural hair? You’ll never find a man or get a job. Move to NJ after living in LA for a year? Sure, why not? Date this guy or that guy or both at the same time? Absolutely! Party in NYC on a weeknight and go to work the next day on three hours of sleep? Sounds like living to me! Move from NJ to Miami? Sign me up!

My Aunt Bertha used to tell me that I needed to stop moving around, settle down, and have a family. My Nana would say she was proud of my education, but that if I was too smart no man would ever want me as a wife. And when I graduated from Howard University and brought my degree to my grandmother so she could tell me how proud she was, all she said was how she didn’t understand how I went all the way to that colored school in DC and didn’t come back with a husband. People say that ‘a rolling stone gathers no moss,’ but who the hell wants to get all mossy when they can be covered in glitter and stardust and champagne bubbles as a result of all of the adventures out there to be had!

At this point in my life, there are certain opinions that other people should no longer feel comfortable sharing with me or they run the risk of getting their feelings hurt when I read them for filth. I do not need to be reminded that my ovaries are shriveling up with each passing day and that my window for having children is closing. I have pretty consistently said I do not want children, so this threat is not a major loss for me. And I still have time to change my mind if I choose to. Not one person who voices their opinion on this matter will be financing a thing once the kid gets here, so hush up. Your kids might have completed you, but I feel pretty fcuking complete having a clean house, money in my bank account, and a restful night’s sleep. Mind your business folks, and stay out of my uterus.

I also do not need to be reminded that the pickings for a good husband diminish with age, and that the risk of me finding the kind of man I could settle down with is fading like many of their hairlines. GAH!! Why on EARTH would I SETTLE for just any random guy when I can be FABULOUS by myself? I am free and complete in myself, even if I am a work in progress, and if I am to give up any part of that freedom it will be for a phenomenal man who doesn’t want me to settle down but who wants to run wild and free with me!

Along those same lines, I am not in the construction business so I am not looking for a man who is a project for me to build up into who I think he could potentially become. Fcuk. That. Foolishness. Forever. I am working on building myself right now, I ain’t got the time nor the inclination to build up a whole nutha capable adult. I’m not saying any man I date has to be 100% perfect or established, but I’m in a ‘refining’ stage in my life right now, not trying to start off a relationship with a dude who isn’t anything but a blueprint. Give that assignment to someone else, I don’t want it.

I do not need to be reminded that I am fluffy. Do my thighs rubbing together when I walk offend you? Does my soft midsection trigger you into having some sort of psychological breakdown? Do you think fat is contagious like a cold sore or leprosy? Do you think that my dance card (or bedroom) is empty because I’m not a size 6? Do me a favor and send me your address so I can order you some business of your own to attend to from Amazon or Ebay or wherever. I’ll even spring for overnight shipping to expedite taking this extra time off of your hands because that is the kind of person I am. You’re welcome. My fluff factor isn’t anyone’s business but my own, and poking my soft edges or telling me how much prettier I would be if I lost weight will get you dismissed from my life and cursed out in ways that would make Richard Pryor blush.

MY LIFE IS MY OWN!! And so is yours! And that is a wonderful thing!! If I never get married, I am still a complete person! If I never have kids, I will still have a happy life full of love and family! If I never lose weight, I am still pretty bish! ::flips hair and re-applies lipstick:: As far as I am aware, we only get one shot at this thing called Life, and I do not intend on living it to make anyone else happy but myself. And there is nothing wrong with that! I am selfish with loving myself, but that selfishness makes it possible for me to love others unconditionally. I apply the same standard to them that I want applied to myself, and as a result I have formed the most meaningful relationships with people who I know love me for me and whom I love and respect in return. We’re all just out here trying to be great, and for some of us that greatness is found down a path that is different from what we were indoctrinated to believe we needed to go.

LIVE YOUR LIFE! Love who you want to love, eat what tastes sweet on your tongue, love with reckless abandon, always keep a bottle of champagne in your fridge to toast the happy times, and let other people find their own unique way to the finish line of Life. Being the most completely happy and fulfilled version of yourself will let the Universe know what gifts and blessings need to be sent your way, and you will be in the position to receive it with open arms and an open heart. Be the best and strongest version of YOU, and get ready to be blown away by how that freedom reverberates out and affects others around you in a positive manner.

My Life Is My Own. It hasn’t always been and will not always be easy, but until the day I die it will always be authentic. Living my best and most fulfilled life is is the best gift I will ever be able to give, both to myself and to everyone else I meet as I keep skipping down my Path with a glass of wine in my hand, my dog by my side, and a trail of glitter marking my past adventures like the Black Girl Magic version of Hansel and Gretel.


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